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thelegion2017-12-17 02:25 pm
legionnpcs) wrote in thelegion2017-12-17 02:25 pm
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Legion Watch | 006 [video]
[The Legion World staff maintains a feed of all Legion-related media so Legionnaires can be kept abreast of any reporting that's done on them. Two women appear on the screen, sitting at a desk, their appearances altered by glam filters so that one is all pink hair and skin and sparkles, and the other is all in blues. They look pretty flashy and tacky but this is the future. Reporters don't exist anymore; they're "personalities" now.]
Shellee: I'm Shellee Star! [That would be the pink one.]
Tammee: And I'm Tammee Tim! [That would be the blue one.]
Together: And this is Legion Watch! [They say it in unison in the perkiest voices possible and a stylized graphic of the words "Legion Watch" appear at the bottom of the screen. ]
Shellee: Today, in a special fashion-oriented Legion Watch, we're doing a retrospective of the last year's Legion style.
Tammee: That's right, Shellee. We'll be going over the best and worst of the Legionnaires outfits from their public appearances, talking with fashion experts to rate them fabulous or tragic, hot or not.
[Their smiles are both plastered on and look particularly fake today, like it's a huge effort to keep up their perky attitudes. Their performances lately haven't been that great, and it's really showing in this live episode.]
Shellee: Today we're going to start with Jason Lee Scott, aka Amp, whose cosmically terrible lack of fashion sense has plagued his entire tenure in the Legion.
Tammee: One has to wonder what Jason is thinking, with all that plaid. He seems to put no care into coordination and...[Her smile begins to fade.] And...
[Tammee looks down at the news desk lost in thought.]
[Shellee looks at her costar with concern and then...understanding. She already understands what's happening because she feels the same way.]
Tammee: I can't sprocking do this anymore. I can't. [She looks over at her costar.] I can't even.
[Shellee nods knowingly, a subtle sign of agreement and support.]
[Tammee looks at the camera and her expression grows sincere and serious. It's the face of someone that went to school to become a hard-hitting journalist but had her dreams dashed because it was nearly impossible to find a job doing real journalism.]
Tammee: The Legionnaires have spent the last year busting their assorted dorsal regions protecting the UP from an invasion from outside our universe. With so many of the original Legionnaires gone, most of the team's lineup isn't even from the UP and yet they tirelessly risk their lives to protect us from threats both internal and external.
Shellee: They don't deserve to have their lives picked apart like this. And over what? Their clothes? Like that even matters when they're sticking their necks out regularly? It's ridiculous! No, it's even worse than ridiculous, it's heartless. And so is digging through their painful personal histories and airing them for all to see. It's invasive and just plain sprocked up!
Tammee: And it's not news. Right now, there are myriad threats besieging our universe: a monster that wants to weaken and devour it, a war machine the size of a planet poised to attack at any time, and a cult that's indoctrinating people into working against their own interests and making them give into existential despair. That's news. That's what reporters should be digging into.
Shellee: That's right, Tammee. They should be informing the public about the dangers facing the galaxy and trying to uncover truth about the agents responsible for the sabotage of the UP. They should be reporting on real news in ways that benefit society.
[A man runs on screen. He's got the slick suit of a producer.]
Floyd Prendergaz: Stop! Stop right now! Are you crazy? Get back on script or so help me -
Shellee: [stands up] Or we'll lose our jobs? We're not afraid of losing our jobs anymore, Floyd.
Tammee: [Stands up as well] Our jobs are pointless! They're ludicrous! What you have us do every episode is ridiculous and it's not news!
Shellee: Hannah Wells at Earthlive News just offered us jobs. They're not going to pay as well and they may not be as glamorous but we're done here, Floyd. We're done contributing to this farce. It's a stain on the noble profession of journalism!
Tammee: And we're tired of having our off-air lives controlled just for the sake of image. We don't care if seeming single is more appealing to single demographics from 22-29! [She grabs Shellee's hand.] We're engaged for sprock's sake! And you actually had the unmitigated gall to tell us to scale down our wedding so it stays more private!
Shellee: What the sprock is wrong with you?
Tammee: And you won't even let us use our real names! There's nothing wrong with "Yil Bak" as a name! It's a perfectly respectable name.
Shellee: Or Gertrix Shur!
Yil: And these glam filters are tacky. We look fine without them! We're done here! We're going to go become real journalists, like we went to school for. Come on, Gertrix!
[Gertrix tosses up her chin haughtily with a hmmph and the two of them storm off set. The producer frantically signals to the camera.]
Floyd: Cut! Cut!
[It cuts to a technical difficulties screen as the studio frantically tries to figure out what to do.]
Shellee: I'm Shellee Star! [That would be the pink one.]
Tammee: And I'm Tammee Tim! [That would be the blue one.]
Together: And this is Legion Watch! [They say it in unison in the perkiest voices possible and a stylized graphic of the words "Legion Watch" appear at the bottom of the screen. ]
Shellee: Today, in a special fashion-oriented Legion Watch, we're doing a retrospective of the last year's Legion style.
Tammee: That's right, Shellee. We'll be going over the best and worst of the Legionnaires outfits from their public appearances, talking with fashion experts to rate them fabulous or tragic, hot or not.
[Their smiles are both plastered on and look particularly fake today, like it's a huge effort to keep up their perky attitudes. Their performances lately haven't been that great, and it's really showing in this live episode.]
Shellee: Today we're going to start with Jason Lee Scott, aka Amp, whose cosmically terrible lack of fashion sense has plagued his entire tenure in the Legion.
Tammee: One has to wonder what Jason is thinking, with all that plaid. He seems to put no care into coordination and...[Her smile begins to fade.] And...
[Tammee looks down at the news desk lost in thought.]
[Shellee looks at her costar with concern and then...understanding. She already understands what's happening because she feels the same way.]
Tammee: I can't sprocking do this anymore. I can't. [She looks over at her costar.] I can't even.
[Shellee nods knowingly, a subtle sign of agreement and support.]
[Tammee looks at the camera and her expression grows sincere and serious. It's the face of someone that went to school to become a hard-hitting journalist but had her dreams dashed because it was nearly impossible to find a job doing real journalism.]
Tammee: The Legionnaires have spent the last year busting their assorted dorsal regions protecting the UP from an invasion from outside our universe. With so many of the original Legionnaires gone, most of the team's lineup isn't even from the UP and yet they tirelessly risk their lives to protect us from threats both internal and external.
Shellee: They don't deserve to have their lives picked apart like this. And over what? Their clothes? Like that even matters when they're sticking their necks out regularly? It's ridiculous! No, it's even worse than ridiculous, it's heartless. And so is digging through their painful personal histories and airing them for all to see. It's invasive and just plain sprocked up!
Tammee: And it's not news. Right now, there are myriad threats besieging our universe: a monster that wants to weaken and devour it, a war machine the size of a planet poised to attack at any time, and a cult that's indoctrinating people into working against their own interests and making them give into existential despair. That's news. That's what reporters should be digging into.
Shellee: That's right, Tammee. They should be informing the public about the dangers facing the galaxy and trying to uncover truth about the agents responsible for the sabotage of the UP. They should be reporting on real news in ways that benefit society.
[A man runs on screen. He's got the slick suit of a producer.]
Floyd Prendergaz: Stop! Stop right now! Are you crazy? Get back on script or so help me -
Shellee: [stands up] Or we'll lose our jobs? We're not afraid of losing our jobs anymore, Floyd.
Tammee: [Stands up as well] Our jobs are pointless! They're ludicrous! What you have us do every episode is ridiculous and it's not news!
Shellee: Hannah Wells at Earthlive News just offered us jobs. They're not going to pay as well and they may not be as glamorous but we're done here, Floyd. We're done contributing to this farce. It's a stain on the noble profession of journalism!
Tammee: And we're tired of having our off-air lives controlled just for the sake of image. We don't care if seeming single is more appealing to single demographics from 22-29! [She grabs Shellee's hand.] We're engaged for sprock's sake! And you actually had the unmitigated gall to tell us to scale down our wedding so it stays more private!
Shellee: What the sprock is wrong with you?
Tammee: And you won't even let us use our real names! There's nothing wrong with "Yil Bak" as a name! It's a perfectly respectable name.
Shellee: Or Gertrix Shur!
Yil: And these glam filters are tacky. We look fine without them! We're done here! We're going to go become real journalists, like we went to school for. Come on, Gertrix!
[Gertrix tosses up her chin haughtily with a hmmph and the two of them storm off set. The producer frantically signals to the camera.]
Floyd: Cut! Cut!
[It cuts to a technical difficulties screen as the studio frantically tries to figure out what to do.]